4 Tips for Anyone Who Loves an Adult in Eating Disorder Recovery

Posted on November 10, 2021November 9, 2021 by Alison Pelz, LD, RD, CDE, LCSW

When you hear the words “eating disorder” what comes to mind? More often than not, eating disorders are associated with teenage girls. While it is true eating disorders often develop in adolescence, adults can have eating disorders, too.

It’s possible for eating disorders to initially develop later in life, not just during adolescence. It’s also possible that adults suffering from an eating disorder developed it during adolescence and never fully recovered. Life stressors (like a pandemic, for example!) later in life can also cause a relapse of eating disorders.

Eating disorders develop for a variety of reasons including genetics, temperament, gender, and dieting history to name a few.

It is less important why and how the eating disorder developed, and more important to focus on supporting your loved one in their eating disorder recovery.

If you love someone in eating disorder recovery, here are four ways to show your support:

1. Think about an eating disorder like a physical illness.

An eating disorder, like cancer, is not a choice. This is often misunderstood. If it was as simple as just choosing to eat more food, far fewer people would suffer with eating disorders.

If your loved one was going through treatment for cancer you may do some of the following: learn about their diagnosis, take them to treatment appointments, provide support, and check-in with them more frequently.

You can do the same with eating disorders. Eating disorders are dangerous and can cause long-term health effects and even death, and they should be taken seriously. See what you can do to understand that eating disorders (EDs) are a physical as well as mental illness.

2. Get educated on eating disorders.

Learning as much as you can about eating disorders is another way to support a loved one in recovery. Eating disorders on the surface appear to be about food. But, make no mistake, while food issues are part of the eating disorder, eating disorders are psychiatric illnesses that must be treated by experienced clinicians. Here are some resources to learn more about eating disorders:

The National Association of Eating Disorders
The Eating Disorder Sourcebook by Carolyn Costin
Eight Keys to Recovery from an Eating Disorder by Carolyn Costin and Gwen Schubert Grabb
Skills-based Learning for Caring for a Loved One with an Eating Disorder by Janet Treasure, Grainne Smith and Anna Crane

You can also ask your loved one if they would like for you to attend treatment appointments with them so you can get a better understanding of their treatment plan and goals.

There are also resources on social media sites like Instagram that offer helpful information about eating disorders, diet culture, and recovery. Make sure to check that the information you’re getting is coming from a reliable source – there are lots of folks out there who borrow language from body positive and anti-diet circles but who are still pushing intentional weight loss or food restriction. It can be really eye-opening to learn about the root causes of eating disorders, in addition to being a great way to support someone you love with an eating disorder.

3. Learn how to communicate with your loved one in a supportive way.

As with most things, supporting someone in eating disorder recovery requires communication. The best way to find out how to support them is to ask! Ask them directly what would make them feel supported or what they’re struggling with. Find out what they would find helpful or for ways you can provide support (or adjust your support if necessary).

It can be tricky to communicate about such emotionally charged topics. Statements such as these can feel supportive to your loved one.

“I know this is hard.”
“You can do hard things.”
“I am here if you would like to talk about it.”

There are a lot of ways to be supportive, but some statements aren’t helpful for folks in ED recovery. Unhelpful statements that you may be tempted to say (remember the ED is not only about the food)

“Just eat.”
“I don’t know why this is so hard…do what I do [insert advice about food, exercise].”

Remember, eating disorders are not just about the food. Everyone’s body is different, and most of us aren’t qualified to give out medical or nutritional advice anyway – we can leave that to the folks on the treatment team.

Another thing to keep in mind is that mealtime can be particularly stressful for those with eating disorders. Some meals and foods may be easier or harder for your loved one to eat. If you eat with your loved one at mealtime it may be helpful to focus on light conversations that have nothing to do with their eating disorder.

4. Be patient.

Eating disorder recovery is a marathon, not a sprint. Recovery is not linear, in fact, it can get quite messy. It requires lots of learning and unlearning, as well as patience and self-compassion.

Don’t give up, and keep checking in with your loved one. Get support for yourself if you need a space where you can process the emotions of supporting someone through recovery. It’s okay to recognize that supporting someone sometimes means asking for help yourself. The National Alliance for Eating Disorders has free support groups for loved ones.

If you are looking for more ways to support your loved one in eating disorder recovery, talking to a therapist may help. Please call for a free 15-minute phone consultation to learn how I work with clients with eating disorders and loved ones.

Maintaining Eating Disorder Recovery as a College Freshman

Posted on September 8, 2021September 7, 2021 by Alison Pelz, LD, RD, CDE, LCSW

College can be a difficult transition for anyone, but if you’re in recovery for an eating disorder, it can be a particularly stressful transition!

Some of the challenges of maintaining your recovery while returning to school include:

Change in Routine

When in recovery, changes in routine can be tough. Routines allow for some comfort and dependability, because when we have them, we know what to expect. Routines also have very practical uses in recovery–they affect meal planning, treatment appointments, sleeping habits, etc. All of which play a role in recovery! Navigating a new routine can be challenging, and can feel overwhelming, so giving care and consideration to what your new routine will be is important.

Increased Demands + Independence

Going to college is an exciting time because it is the first taste of independence so many of us have! However, gaining independence is also a lot of responsibility–especially if we’re not used to it. It can be easy to not set any boundaries for yourself, but that’s not a sustainable way to take care of yourself. At the same time, you’ll also need to use some of that newfound independence to balance the demands of your school work, which might be more intense than you’re used to. It can be extremely stressful navigating that responsibility for the first time, and increased stress can lead to an increase in eating disorder symptoms.

Exercise + Diet Culture

On a college campus you’ll be surrounded by other young people, who are also surrounded by the constant messaging on social media about diet and beauty standards. Additionally, gyms on campus may be full of college level athletes training in ways that other folks who don’t need intense conditioning for a sport shouldn’t be pushing themselves to compete with. You might be surrounded by fear of the “freshman fifteen” or feel pressure to skip meals to study for exams with other students. The culture around food and exercise on a college campus may not be the healthiest one–and it’s important to prepare for that with a counselor beforehand so you have coping mechanisms you can use when need be.

What can you do to maintain your recovery?

Consider your schedule

Be gentle with yourself as you adjust! College is a big change and you don’t need to try to do it all at once. This means, don’t push yourself to take too many classes your first semester while you’re still getting used to the new expectations. Really think about what your limit is before you feel yourself burning out.

Consider also taking classes that you wouldn’t consider as the most challenging. It’s a whole new style of learning in college, there’s nothing wrong with taking it slow to figure out what you can handle. That way you’re not overworking yourself and you are reducing the amount of stress you might experience.

When thinking about your schedule, consider any habits you have that are helpful to your recovery (social meals, treatment appointments, etc.) and what will be needed for those in your regular routines.

Make a recovery plan before you go

Are you working with a therapist right now? Will you continue to work with them? Or will there be someone on campus to connect with? Have group supports been part of your recovery plan? What is available in terms of group support at your school? Does your current therapist have plans or ideas on what will be important to your recovery at school?

Be sure to set up any regular appointments and checkups with your treatment team ahead of time, to help provide you the professional support you may need to stay “on track.”

Are you working with a dietitian right now? Work with them to help you maintain recovery.

You might want research on what mealtimes are like at school. Consider questions like: What food is available when? Where are the places to eat? What are their hours? Do you know what food do they provide? What are the meal plans like? Is there one that is more conducive to your recovery? Together with your dietitian it might be helpful to gather some information about what the different meal plans are, and make some pros and cons for each of them.

If you don’t have a treatment team, go to the student health center on campus and they will be able to assist you.

Remember: it’s normal for eating disorder symptoms to recur in times of high stress and periods of transition. But by taking time to consider how your recovery will be impacted in this period of transition, you can create a plan to cope with stress and continue with your recovery. Remember, you only have to take it one day at a time!

If you need help in your eating disorder recovery or not sure if you have an eating disorder or not, please click here to schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation with me.

Diet Culture, COVID-19, and Weight Stigma: 2020 in Review

Posted on December 16, 2020December 15, 2020 by Alison Pelz, LD, RD, CDE, LCSW

At the end of every year, I like to put together a post that collects everything I’ve published on my blog over the last year. And what a year it’s been. This year is nothing like we imagined it would be. We have lost almost a year of being with family and friends, experiencing new things, and living our ‘normal’ lives. If you’re feeling grief about this year, the lives lost and changed, and what could have been, you’re not alone.

This year has been hard, sad, lonely, scary, weird, and pretty much any other adjective out there. It can be hard to hold space for all of those things at once, so be gentle with yourself as you work through your feelings about 2020.

Here’s what I wrote about this year:

This year, I wrote a lot about the COVID-19 pandemic and how that interacts with folks in eating disorder recovery.

When things get hard, communities thrive. The eating disorder recovery community is more important than ever with many of us isolated and unable to connect with other ED survivors in real life. I wrote about 5 Ways to Stay on Track With Eating Disorder Recovery During COVID-19, Virtual (and Free) Eating Disorder Support Groups During COVID-19, and Coping With COVID-19 and Eating Disorder Recovery: Tips for College Students.

Rejecting Diet culture

One of my favorite ways to learn about rejecting the diet mentality is through podcasts! I put together a list of my top podcasts to help you break free from diet culture. (I also included a tip for how to find anti-diet resources: “It’s easy to be wary of what you find related to body positivity and anti-diet resources, since the movement has been flooded with people trying to cash in without spreading the actual message of the anti-diet movement. When looking for a trusted resource online, make sure that they mention on their website (hopefully prominently!) that they believe in dismantling diet culture, center larger bodies, and don’t mention weight loss anywhere on their site.”

Eating Disorders

Eating disorders are a complicated subject. One of my goals is to help people challenged with ED and other food & weight-related concerns to move from constantly worrying about food and their weight to being free to create the lives they want. The first step here is understanding what eating disorders actually are. To help, I discussed 3 Important FAQs about Binge Eating Disorder on the blog. While some of us understand the basics of eating disorders and anxiety on our own, it’s rare to see a blog post connect the two and tell you what you need to know if you’re living with an eating disorder and an anxiety disorder. I wrote about frequently asked questions related to eating disorders and anxiety to share what I know!

Weight Bias + Stigma

Weight bias is everywhere we look in our culture. It’s led to systematic discrimination of larger bodies in many areas of life – medical care, job opportunities, social interactions, to name a few. So many folks railing against people in larger bodies don’t realize that what really causes negative health outcomes is a result of stigma, not a result of having a larger body, so I wrote about how weight bias and stigma are the real hazards to health, not body size.

If there are any topics you’d like me to cover in 2021, let me know! You can message me here. If you’re looking for even more resources, make sure you’re following me on Facebook and Pinterest!Every week, I share resources from myself + other experts in the field on both platforms!

Coping With COVID-19 and Eating Disorder Recovery: Tips for College Students

Posted on September 23, 2020September 22, 2020 by Alison Pelz, LD, RD, CDE, LCSW

Let’s face it – starting a new year in college during the COVID-19 pandemic is rough. College life looks much different than it used to, with virtual classes and less socializing, to name a few things. If you add an eating disorder into the mix, it can make starting the semester feel downright daunting.

If your eating disorder symptoms have increased since the pandemic started you are not alone. Eating disorder behaviors are a way to manage and cope with stress, so more stress can equal the exacerbation of eating disorder symptoms.

Furthermore, the nature of physical distancing can lead to feelings of worry, sadness, hopelessness, and loneliness which also can trigger eating disorder behaviors, including dietary restriction, purging, binge eating, and overexercising.

Starting a new semester (or starting college for the first time) is associated with many “positive feelings” and excitement. However, along with these positive feelings, students may experience feelings of isolation, worry, and sadness, again exacerbating eating disorder symptoms.

Remember it is normal to be experiencing more stress, worry, and sadness during the pandemic. However, there are tools that you can use to manage your feelings.

Below are some tips to help you cope with stress, the pandemic, and your eating disorder:

Keep connected with your treatment team.
- Whether you are doing treatment in person or virtually, keeping regularly scheduled appointments is key to keeping your eating disorder recovery on top of the priority list. If you feel like you need more support during this time, ask your team about more frequent visits and/or attending virtual groups. To learn more about eating disorder treatment teams or how to get treatment, click here.

Stay social.
- College with a side of COVID can be very isolating especially if you participating in virtual learning. It is not uncommon to experience an increase in loneliness. Social connection with family and friends can help reduce feelings of loneliness, sadness, and worry. Keep socializing in whatever way feels safe to you a top priority.

Make time for hobbies and other coping skills.
- Coping skills and hobbies can help manage stress and uncomfortable feelings such as worry, sadness, and anger. Healthy coping skills are activities that you can help you positively manage stress. These can include talking with a friend, spending time outside, playing with a pet, reading, cleaning, doing a puzzle, praying or meditating, or volunteering, to name a few. Hobbies such as crafting, art, photography, and the like can also help reduce feelings of stress.

Keep a routine.
- Having a routine can help reduce stress levels by adding structure and organization to your day, even during the pandemic. Having a general—but not rigid—routine around eating, sleeping, socializing, and studying can be helpful in your recovery from your eating disorders and generally improve mental health.

Remember that it is normal for eating disorder symptoms to increase during times of stress, and the COVID-19 pandemic is a very stressful time. By practicing the tools above, you can learn ways to reduce your stress and continue with recovery.

If you would like to learn how I help clients manage stress or you need help in your eating disorder recovery, please click here to schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation.

3 Important FAQs about Binge Eating Disorder

Posted on June 17, 2020June 16, 2020 by Alison Pelz, LD, RD, CDE, LCSW

Do you feel out of control with food? Once you start eating, do you feel like you can’t stop? Do you feel shame, guilt, and embarrassment after eating? If so, you may struggle with binge eating disorder—the most common type of eating disorder.

Binge eating disorder is characterized by eating large amounts of food in a discrete amount of time when not feeling hungry or eating at a rapid pace until uncomfortably full. Binge eating usually takes place in solitude, and there is marked emotional distress associated with binges.

Here are some most frequently asked questions about binge eating disorder:

I think I may be addicted to food. Is that the same as binge eating disorder?

There is much debate among healthcare providers about whether food addiction is a bona fide diagnosis. Some believe that food absolutely can be addictive. In fact, science shows that our brains are activated in the same way they are with drugs when we eat highly palatable, good tasting food.

People who describe themselves as food addicts have a compulsive drive to eat, even when they are not hungry, eating, perhaps, to soothe emotions or to “check out.” In the short term, overeating feels good. But in the long term, it can feel pretty uncomfortable. Attempts to stop overeating may be made but with little success.

You may not buy certain foods, fearing that you will eat it all in one sitting or over a day or two. Maybe you plan to buy certain foods just to binge on them. Or you buy certain foods and promise yourself that you will not binge on them as you have in the past. Food is often consumed in solitude.

Guilt and shame are feelings often experienced with having a loss of control with food. Sounds similar to drug or alcohol addiction, right?

Furthermore, our brains may become activated similarly to the way they are with drugs and alcohol when we eat certain foods—as a reward pathway. By design, we get pleasure from eating, so we will seek out more food (to sustain us).

However, unlike drugs and alcohol, we need food to survive. Additionally, most people who feel out of control with food are able to stop eating or ignore foods that are less appealing. Most people who struggle with drug addiction, for example, consume all drugs until they are gone. That is not the case with food.

If you are reading this, whether you think food addiction is a valid term or not, my guess is that you feel out of control with food. Feeling out of control with food is a key feature of binge eating disorder.

I have tried every diet and I can’t get my binge eating under control. Am I ever going to get better?

Yes, you can get better, but not by dieting. Dieting can actually make binge eating worse. In fact, dieting is a risk factor for developing an eating disorder. Cutting out certain types of food and/or under-eating makes your body ripe for binge eating.

It makes sense. Our bodies by design are set up to survive. Obviously we need food to survive, and our bodies send us very strong signals to eat. If we chronically restrict food, our bodies give us signals to eat large amounts at a time.

Although it may seem counterintuitive, eating regularly throughout the day and including all foods in the diet actually helps reduce binge eating. With the help of a registered dietitian, foods that are typically eaten during a binge are slowly reintroduced as part of treatment.

Can I get over binge eating disorder on my own?

Unfortunately, many who struggle with binge eating disorder try to “diet” their way out of binge eating, but this usually makes the binge eating worse.

There is some evidence that self-help programs and books can help reduce binge eating symptoms, but most likely you will need the assistance of a professional.

Asking for professional help can feel daunting. However, relief is often expressed by people with binge eating once they seek treatment because someone understands what they are going through.

Usually, a psychotherapist or counselor, registered dietitian, and a doctor are part of an eating disorder treatment team. Learn more here about how to find an eating disorder professional.

For more resources on eating disorder recovery, intuitive eating, and anti-diet culture, sign up for my newsletter!

Virtual (and Free) Eating Disorder Support Groups During COVID-19

Posted on April 15, 2020April 14, 2020 by Alison Pelz, LD, RD, CDE, LCSW

Eating disorder recovery may feel like a struggle during the COVID-19 pandemic. This is normal because times of stress and uncertainty, which most of us are feeling, can put a strain on our mental health. Virtual support groups are readily available and often at no cost.

Fortunately, you do not have to go through eating disorder recovery alone during this time. It can be helpful to connect with others going through similar experiences. Many eating disorder treatment centers and professionals are offering virtual services on-line, including support groups.

Virtual support groups can be a great addition to your current treatment.

Groups can be a great way to reduce social isolation while the stay-at-home orders are in effect. In general, support groups can offer many benefits, including improved motivation to recover, strengthened positive coping skills, increased sense of control, and reduced feelings of shame, isolation, depression, hopelessness, and anxiety.

For some, support groups can be a little anxiety-provoking, but a virtual group may be good for a first-time. Due to the nature of the internet, there is some degree of privacy and anonymity. Additionally, groups usually have a leader and a set of groups “rules” to help make you feel emotionally safe.

There can be some downsides to support groups, particularly if they are not well run. Some of the downsides include excessive amounts of complaining (the purpose of a support group is to provide hope), monopolization of discussion by one group member, and potential issues of confidentiality.

Together with your treatment team, you can determine if a virtual support group would be helpful in your recovery. If you don’t have a treatment team or are currently not receiving eating disorder treatment, please click here to learn more about how to find a treatment team.

Free + Virtual Eating Disorder Support Group Resources

Below is a short list of virtual support groups. Many offer multiple support groups that meet the needs of different populations, including adults, teens, families, and LGBTQ folks, to name a few. Also, ask your treatment provider about support groups which they may be familiar with.

A virtual support group can be a great way to augment eating disorder treatment, especially during the pandemic. Together with your treatment team, you can determine if a virtual support group may be helpful to you.