Understanding Eating Disorders: Looking Beyond the Behavior

When you or your child is struggling with food, whether that looks like purging, restricting, binge eating, and/or rigid exercise, it can be terrifying and confusing for parents. It can also feel deeply isolating for the person living inside the experience.

What we see on the outside is food behavior: increased rigidity around food, eating in isolation, eating large amounts of food, or purging. The behaviors can look or feel so baffling that it may be hard to get curious about what is happening on the inside. But having this understanding is key to long-standing eating disorder recovery.

Most eating disorders serve some function, which means that they are “helpful” or serve a purpose for the person living with them. This may sound counterintuitive, because the behaviors can feel distressing and can be physically harmful. While the outcome is harmful, there is often a root need that it feels like the disorder is addressing.

Eating disorders are rarely about stubbornness or vanity

Eating disorder behaviors are the tip of the iceberg. These behaviors can look willful, defiant, obsessive, or confusing. But they are rarely about stubbornness or vanity. They are usually nervous system strategies.

When a child (or adult) cannot eat, eats beyond fullness, purges, or restricts, their body is often trying to regulate something overwhelming inside.

The nervous system is the hidden driver. Our nervous system is constantly scanning for safety or danger. This process happens automatically and below our conscious awareness.

Eating disorders are a survival response

When our nervous system is well regulated and feels safe, we can eat with flexibility, have awareness of hunger and fullness, digest food well, tolerate a wide range of emotions, and have the capacity for problem-solving.

In contrast, when our nervous system is in fight, flight, or freeze in reaction to distress, our brains and bodies do quite the opposite. Eating disorder behaviors often map directly onto these survival responses.

Not eating enough calories can subdue emotions

Dietary restriction, or not being able to eat enough, functions to dampen the nervous system over time, which reduces the intensity of our feelings. When the world feels chaotic, overwhelming or unpredictable, malnutrition can create a sense of safety and stability.

This is one of the reasons we think that anorexia nervosa often begins in early adolescence. During this time, lots of change is happening, including the onset of puberty. Additionally, the transition between high school and college represents another vulnerable period during which anorexia may emerge.

Binge eating and purging can function to help reduce distress

Binge eating is thought to be soothing when intense emotions crop up. In other words, food is used as an attempt to self-soothe or regulate distress. For someone who feels anxious, overwhelmed, depleted or lonely, eating can temporarily bring short-term relief. However, longer-term it makes one’s distress grow.

Purging behaviors often follow intense nervous system activation, including overwhelm, shame, panic, or sensory overload. Purging can create a rapid physiological shift. It may temporarily reduce anxiety or provide a feeling of release. The body learns: This brings relief. And so the cycle repeats.

Similar to purging, rigid, compulsive or overexercising can create quick physiological changes. These changes include a release of endorphins and changes in dopamine and serotonin, which can improve mood. Exercise can create short-term relief from emotions such as anxiety, guilt, shame, stress or sadness. Because of this relief, the brain learns to repeat it, which leads to increased amounts of exercise.

Understanding eating disorders is a key step in recovery

You or your child may be experiencing one or any combination of these eating disorder behaviors. The thing to remember is that eating disorder behaviors are serving some function. So, it makes sense that attempts to “have more willpower” or trying to abstain from the behaviors are often short-lived and ineffective. In fact, approaching eating disorders this way often causes an increase in shame, isolation and feelings of failure.

Treating eating disorders usually utilizes a combination of insight-oriented & behavioral therapies. The goal of insight-oriented therapy is to develop a deeper awareness of unconscious patterns, past experiences, and internal conflicts that influence current problems. The goal of behavioral therapies is to identify, modify, and replace maladaptive behaviors with healthier ones by changing the learning and reinforcement patterns that maintain them. Both are needed to recover.

Eating disorders are not just about food. They are about regulation, safety, and survival. If you or your teen are living inside this experience, your behaviors make sense in the context of your nervous system. They are not proof that you are broken or weak or that you failed as a parent.

Remember: recovery is possible.

Frequently Asked Questions

I know what I need to do to stop binge eating or purging, so why can’t I actually stop?

What you’re describing makes complete sense. It’s exhausting to work this hard at something and still feel so stuck. The behavior is what shows up on the outside. It’s the most visible part. But understanding what’s happening underneath, the emotions and thoughts driving it, is what actually changes things. Willpower alone can’t get you there because willpower was never the problem. Therapy helps you get curious about what the behavior is doing for you, so you can find another way to meet that same need.

My child has been diagnosed with anorexia nervosa, but she doesn’t think her eating is a problem. Why can’t she just eat?

This is one of the most baffling parts of anorexia for parents to watch. Your daughter is probably sharp and capable in most areas of her life, which makes it even harder to understand why eating feels impossible to her. Anorexia isn’t a failure of logic or insight. It’s a nervous system strategy. Restriction can create a felt sense of safety when everything else feels overwhelming, and that sense of safety can override even a smart, capable brain’s ability to see the problem clearly.

Why does anorexia so often start in the early teen years?

Adolescence brings a lot at once: puberty, social pressure, academic demands, identity, and shifting independence. For a nervous system that’s already working hard to keep up, restricting food can start to feel like a way to create order and predictability inside all that change. It’s not a conscious choice. It’s the nervous system reaching for whatever brings the overwhelm down, and for some teens, that ends up being anorexia.

Do you want to learn more about your treatment options? Sign up for a free consultation to learn more about how I can help you.

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Understanding ARFID in Adults

by Alison Pelz, LD, RD, CDE, LCSW

When Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID) is discussed, the focus is often on children. Pediatric feeding clinics, early intervention models, and parent-led treatment approaches dominate the literature and training spaces. While this work is essential, it can unintentionally leave an important group of overlooked: adults with ARRID.

People do not “grow out of” ARFID simply because they age. Many adults meet full diagnostic criteria, experience significant impairment, and struggle to access appropriate care, often because ARFID is still viewed primarily as a childhood condition.

ARFID started in childhood

If you are an adult with ARFID, your eating challenges may have started in childhood. In fact, you may not remember ever not struggling with food. Perhaps differences in your eating may have waxed and waned over the years–for some people with ARFID, when stress increases, their ability to eat decreases.

As a child, you may not have gotten any help with your eating. Your parents may have asked your well-meaning pediatrician about your food selectivity, and the pediatrician may have offered advice along the lines of: “they will grow out of it.” Children often reject new foods at first, this is a normal part of learning to eat. In the case of ARFID, more often than not, children don’t naturally “grow out of it.”

“When they get hungry enough, they will eat” is another piece of advice your parents may have received. Again, if you have ARFID, this advice doesn’t appear to be effective. Often, people who experience ARFID struggle to eat due to sensory differences, fear, and/or low hunger. Even when they may feel hungry, eating feels too overwhelming.

ARFID started after a medical condition or traumatic experience with food

Your ARFID may have developed due to medical or chronic conditions that started in childhood or adulthood. For instance, gastrointestinal disorders (IBS, gastroparesis, heartburn, etc.), chronic nausea or vomiting, pain with eating or swallowing, and sensory differences, are a few common examples.

ARFID can also develop if you had a traumatic event around food, such as a choking episode, allergic reaction, vomiting, or other medical emergency involving food.

Over time, food avoidance may become reinforced as a protective strategy, thereby reducing discomfort, symptoms, or fear of symptom flare-ups. While initially adaptive, this avoidance can evolve into a rigid restriction that persists even when medical symptoms improve.

The medical community, family, friends, and our culture at large may have indicated that your eating challenges are “all in your head.” These messages are not true but often stigmatize eating and lead to an increase in shame and embarrassment, which can then function as a barrier to accessing treatment. Treatments such as CBT-AR and client-centered treatments that pay particular attention to sensory differences are being studied.

Socializing like dating, getting together with friends, and going to work or school events is often what brings adults into treatment. Reduction in socializing can lead to feelings of isolation, depression, anxiety, and low self-confidence.

Wanting to increase body weight is another reason adults seek treatment. You may also be experiencing physical symptoms such as fatigue, low energy, and nutritional deficiencies.

ARFID treatment

You are not “just a picky eater” or “difficult,” but rather you do deserve to receive care that addresses ARFID as a legitimate eating disorder. It is not too late to change your relationship with food and, most importantly, reduce feelings of shame about your eating.

Frequently Asked Questions About ARFID in Adults

How do I get diagnosed with ARFID as an adult?

Start with a provider who has experience with eating disorders. Look for someone familiar with ARFID specifically, since it’s still under-recognized. A full evaluation looks at your eating history, current intake, nutritional status, and how eating affects your daily life. Many adults have never been screened for ARFID. Providers often default to asking about weight and body image, which misses how ARFID actually shows up.

Can I really change my eating as an adult, or is this just how I am?

Yes. Adults are often in a stronger position to work on ARFID than people realize. You tend to have more motivation than a child does. You’re the one choosing treatment, not a parent bringing you in. You also bring life experience and problem-solving skills to the process. That makes it easier to try new approaches, troubleshoot setbacks, and understand your own patterns.

I’ve never been underweight. Can I still have ARFID?

Yes. ARFID doesn’t require low weight. What defines it is limited variety or volume of food intake that causes real impairment. That impairment can look like nutritional deficiencies, dependence on supplements, or trouble with social, school, or work life. Plenty of adults with ARFID sit at an average or higher weight and still meet full criteria. Weight can be one marker of ARFID. It isn’t a requirement.

Do you want to learn more about your treatment options? Sign up for a free consultation to learn more about how I can help you.

Do you want to earn continuing education credits that are affordable, complete at your own pace and relevant to your clinical work? Sign up for a free consultation and get 10% off your first Pelz Institute course!

2025 in Review: Resources for Eating Disorder Recovery and Caregivers

by Alison Pelz, LD, RD, CDE, LCSW

We’re about to wrap up 2025, so I wanted to take a look back at what I’ve discussed on the blog this year. Every year, different themes emerge, and this year was no different. This year, I focused on providing resources for the support network that often accompanies the individual in eating disorder recovery. We don’t heal in isolation, and the role of parents and caregivers in eating disorder recovery is an important one.

I’m passionate about making research accessible to parents and caregivers to empower families and increase compassion for their loved one who is experiencing the eating disorder. That’s why I focused so much on family-based treatment and validation, as tools in your toolbox to help you and your loved ones navigate eating disorder recovery and our diet obsessed culture.

I hope these posts are helpful to you on your journey to recovery and food peace.

Here’s what I wrote about this year:

Book Review: Binge Eating Disorder: The Journey to Recovery and Beyond is a Must Read

“Binge Eating Disorder: The Journey to Recovery and Beyond by Amy Pershing with Chevese Turner, seamlessly blends clinical knowledge with the lived experiences of those affected by BED. It is an invaluable guide for individuals experiencing BED and their families. It is divided into three parts: understanding BED, addressing its root causes, and finding sustainable recovery strategies. This book is a must-read for anyone looking for an insightful and compassionate resource on binge eating disorder (BED).” Read the full review here.

Supporting Your Child Through an Eating Disorder: A Guide for Parents

“Eating disorders are complex, but that doesn’t mean they are unknowable. Education is one of the most powerful tools you have at your disposal, not only to help you find effective methods of support, but also to help expand your understanding of what causes and may impact eating disorders, so you can give informed care to your teen–rather than having to rely on guess work and risk causing harm.

Understanding the nature of eating disorders and their impact on both physical and mental health can demystify the illness and empower you to provide informed support to your teen. Here are some highly recommended resources to deepen your knowledge and help you in supporting your child.” Get the resources here.

The Power of Validation: Supporting Your Child Through Eating Disorder Recovery

“Witnessing your child struggling with an eating disorder can feel overwhelming, confusing, and deeply painful. As a parent, you naturally want to help, but knowing how to respond in the most effective way is not always intuitive. One key tool you can use to support your child’s recovery is validation–understanding what it is, why it matters, and how to practice it can make a world of difference for both your child and your family.” Learn how to use it here.

Sick Enough: A Guide to the Medical Complications of Eating Disorders is a Must-Read

“All people with an eating disorder deserve care and treatment. This is a simple but powerful idea that is reinforced again and again throughout Sick Enough.

Eating disorders affect people’s physical health, not just their mental health. It is important to know how being underfed and undernourished can affect the body. People with bulimia, binge eating, and anorexia can experience these effects. Undernourishment can happen across the weight spectrum. It affects the digestive tract, mood, muscle tone, and much more.

Yes, Gaudiani emphasizes, all who experience eating disorders are “Sick Enough” to warrant treatment.” Get the full review here.

Free Workbook for Parents and Caregivers: Supporting Teens with an Eating Disorder

“Validation is not something that you learned from a typical parenting book. In fact it is something that therapists spend endless hours learning about in grad school and practicing with clients.

Because it is so tricky I wanted to provide a resource for caregivers to help learn more and hone their skills in validation–that’s why I created this free validation workbook. This workbook is geared towards parents supporting a teen with anorexia, bulimia or binge eating (not ARFID-that is a whole other workbook-stay tuned!) I hope you find the workbook helpful!” Download the workbook here.

Eating Disorder Recovery: Gain Momentum Over Summer Break

“Summer break, however, offers something the school year rarely does: breathing room. With fewer academic pressures and more control over your schedule, summer can be an opportunity to gain real momentum in your recovery journey. Here’s how you can use this season to refocus, reconnect, and strengthen your foundation for eating disorder recovery.” Get the tips here.

Nourish to Heal: How Eating Enough Supports Binge Eating Recovery

“Eating more will likely help you reduce binge eating. This feels counterintuitive and is certainly not what the weight loss industry or the medical community typically advises, so I know this recommendation can feel very scary.

The weight loss industry provides “tricks” to reduce binge eating, usually focusing on how to limit consumption of certain foods. However, rather than helping navigate binge eating, it often fuels and perpetuates binge eating. Science has taught us that dietary restriction is a risk factor for developing an eating disorder, including binge eating. Dietary restriction also maintains the eating disorder–in other words, a restrictive diet keeps the disorder going.” Here’s why.

Understanding ARFID: More Than Picky Eating

“Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder is not just a simple case of picky eating; it is a complex psychological condition that can cause significant nutritional and reduced quality of life, particularly if it endures into adulthood.

Unlike other eating disorders that are often driven by concerns about weight and body image, ARFID is characterized by an avoidance of food based on sensory sensitivity, lack of interest in eating, depressed appetite, and/or fear of adverse consequences such as choking, throwing-up, or an allergic reaction.” Here’s what you should know.

Freshman Year of College: Why Eating Disorders May Start or Reappear

“The first year of college is often described as a thrilling new chapter—freedom, independence, new friends, late-night pizza, dorm life, and so much possibility. For many students, this first year is fun and exciting. But it’s also filled with major transitions—many of which are invisible until you’re in them. And for students with a history of disordered eating, or even those without, the shift can be enough to stir up or intensify existing eating disorders and their symptoms.” This is why–and what you can do about it.

A Note to Parents of Teens with Anorexia Nervosa

“If you’re reading this, chances are you’re scared, confused, and doing everything you can to help your teen who seems to be struggling with anorexia nervosa. Maybe you’ve noticed weight loss, increasing rigidity around food, or a once joyful child who now seems consumed by rules and restrictions. You’ve already tried reasoning, negotiating, and reassuring them, only to be met with resistance, tears, or even silence. You’re not alone—and you’re not to blame.” Read the rest of the note here.

Tackling Healthism in Eating Disorder Recovery

“Healthism is the belief that a person’s moral worth is tied to their health status—and that “health” is something we can fully control through the “right” choices. It often masquerades as wellness advice, clean eating trends, or motivational fitness culture. It’s sneaky. It’s normalized. And it can deeply harm those recovering from disordered eating.” Here’s how you can move beyond it.

Powerful Lived-Experience Stories About Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID)

“Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID) is often misunderstood by family members, school personnel and professionals, and sometimes even by the individuals who have ARFID.

Training as a therapist, of course, has been helpful in my work with clients, but listening to people with lived experience has been so powerful. It deepens understanding and builds compassion for oneself and for those around them.” Read the stories here.

I’ll be back with more in 2026! I’ll be writing more about eating disorder recovery, caregiver support, family-based treatment, body image, making peace with food, and navigating weight bias.

If you are in Texas and interested in working with me, click here to fill out a contact form. If there are any topics you want me to cover on the blog next year, let me know! You can send me a message here.

Powerful Lived-Experience Stories About Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID)

by Alison Pelz, LD, RD, CDE, LCSW

Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID) is often misunderstood by family members, school personnel and professionals, and sometimes even by the individuals who have ARFID.

Here are five impactful stories from individuals and parents who share what life with ARFID is really like in their own words.

1. What I Wish People Knew About ARFID [Source: YoungMinds]

“ARFID isn’t about body image. It’s about fear.”

In this heartfelt blog post, a young person shares what it’s like to live with ARFID, including the isolation of not being understood and the relief of getting a correct diagnosis. They offer insight into the anxiety around food and how well-meaning comments can feel invalidating. Although body image distress is not a criterion for having ARFID, people with ARFID can experience it.

Read it here: What I Wish People Knew About ARFID

2. Reclaiming Autistic Food Identity [Source: The Autistic Advocate]

“I am not a picky eater. I am an autistic person with a different sensory profile.”

This powerful essay reframes “picky eating” through an autistic lens, challenging shame and stigma around restricted eating. The author talks about reclaiming joy in food on their own terms and the importance of acceptance.

Read it here: Reclaiming Autistic Food Identity: Feeding Shame and Swallowing Stigma

3. Everyday Life With ARFID: [Instagram Account: KevinDoesARFID]

“Every meal is like climbing a mountain. But I’ve learned to celebrate even the smallest steps.”

Kevin shares their daily experiences living with ARFID, from navigating meals to dealing with sensory overwhelm. Their posts and stories offer real-time glimpses into the emotional ups and downs of managing food fear and building safe-food routines.

Find them on Instagram: @kevindoesarfid

4. Making Cooking More Accessible By Dani [Source: RDs for Neurodiversity]

“Cooking doesn’t have to look like the glossy version on TV. It just has to work for me.”

An autistic and chronically ill writer shares how they’ve adapted cooking and baking to fit their sensory and energy needs. While not exclusively about ARFID, their strategies such as simplifying steps, reducing overwhelm, and celebrating small wins can resonate deeply with those who find food tasks daunting.

Read it here: How I Make Cooking & Baking More Accessible and More Enjoyable

5. A Parent’s Perspective: Understanding ARFID as a Mother [Source: Mental Health America]

“I thought my child was just being picky. I didn’t realize it could be something more.”

In this moving blog post, a mother shares her journey from confusion and frustration to understanding when her child was diagnosed with ARFID. She describes the stress of mealtimes, the guilt she felt for not recognizing the signs sooner, and the relief of finally having a name and support for what her child was experiencing.

Read it here: Understanding avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder as a mother

Why These Stories About Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder Matter

Reading first-hand accounts reminds us that ARFID isn’t a choice or a phase. Rather, it’s a real and challenging experience. It’s not something that one will “grow out of” or should be minimized by health professionals. These voices bring nuance, compassion, and hope to conversations about ARFID, and to individuals with ARFID, as well as help families, educators, and clinicians understand how to offer meaningful support.

Are you concerned that you or your child are dealing with Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder? Sign up for a free consultation to learn more about how I can help you and your family.

Tackling Healthism in Eating Disorder Recovery

by Alison Pelz, LD, RD, CDE, LCSW

One of the most persistent and invisible roadblocks on this path of recovery is healthism.

When you’re in recovery from an eating disorder, the journey isn’t just about food or body image—it’s about unlearning many of the messages that have shaped your relationship with health, worth, and identity.

What Is Healthism?

Healthism is the belief that a person’s moral worth is tied to their health status—and that “health” is something we can fully control through the “right” choices. It often masquerades as wellness advice, clean eating trends, or motivational fitness culture. It’s sneaky. It’s normalized. And it can deeply harm those recovering from disordered eating.

It tells us:

That our body is a problem to solve.
That health looks a certain way (usually thin, active, and visibly “fit”).
That if we are not constantly optimizing our health, we are failing.

Sound familiar?

Where Did Healthism Come From?

Healthism isn’t just a personal mindset—it’s a cultural narrative with deep historical roots. The term was first coined in the 1980s by sociologist Robert Crawford, who observed a growing trend: people were being taught that health was a personal, moral responsibility, and that individuals—not systems—were to blame for their well-being.

Since then, this idea has been reinforced by everything from public health campaigns to social media influencers. Over time, “healthy” became a synonym for “good,” and illness or difference became something to fix or avoid.

Diet culture, fatphobia, ableism, and capitalism all amplified the message: control your body, and you’ll be safe, accepted, and successful. But here’s the truth: most of the factors that shape our health are outside of our control, including genetics, trauma, systemic oppression, and access to medical care.

If you’ve internalized the belief that your worth is tied to how “healthy” you are, that’s not a personal failure. It’s a product of living in a culture steeped in healthism.

When “Wellness” Becomes a Disguise for the Disorder

It’s not uncommon for someone in recovery to shift from calorie restriction to obsessive “clean eating,” or from compulsive weighing to compulsive step counting. All under the guise of “being healthy.”

But here’s the truth: If your pursuit of health is causing you harm, mentally, physically, and/or emotionally, it’s not actually healthy.

Therapy holds space for the messy, complicated process of rethinking what health really means. And gently challenge the idea that health should ever be the benchmark for your value as a human being.

Healing Beyond the Health Narrative

You deserve a recovery that allows you to reclaim your life. Not just fit into a new version of diet culture with a wellness filter.

Here’s what it can look like to move beyond healthism in recovery:

Embracing body diversity: All bodies are worthy, and all bodies are different. Health does not have one size or shape.
Redefining health: Instead of perfection, explore how to care for your body in a way that feels sustainable, flexible, and joyful.
Focusing on values: What matters most to you beyond your body? I help clients reconnect with those parts of themselves.
Practicing self-compassion: You are not a failure for struggling. You are a person, doing your best in a culture that makes recovery hard.

You Don’t Need to Be “Healthy” to Deserve Care

One of the most radical things we can say in a healing space is: You deserve support, rest, love, and acceptance—whether or not you’re “healthy.”

Health is not a prerequisite for dignity.

In my work with clients, I hold this truth close. Whether you’re early in recovery or years into your healing. I understand how deeply embedded healthism can be, and here to help you untangle from it with compassion and curiosity.

Ready to Explore a New Way Forward?

If you’re feeling burnt out by the pressure to “recover perfectly” or be the picture of health, you’re not alone. Let’s explore what healing could look like when it’s rooted in connection, not control.

Curious about working together?
Reach out to schedule a consultation. I would be honored to walk alongside you.

A Note to Parents of Teens with Anorexia Nervosa

by Alison Pelz, LD, RD, CDE, LCSW

If you’re reading this, chances are you’re scared, confused, and doing everything you can to help your teen who seems to be struggling with anorexia nervosa. Maybe you’ve noticed weight loss, increasing rigidity around food, or a once joyful child who now seems consumed by rules and restrictions. You’ve already tried reasoning, negotiating, and reassuring them, only to be met with resistance, tears, or even silence. You’re not alone—and you’re not to blame.

Eating Disorders Don’t Happen in a Vacuum

First, let’s clear some things up: eating disorders happen for a variety of reasons, and you did not cause this. Your child is not being difficult or manipulative. Anorexia nervosa is not a choice—it’s a serious mental illness, one that often emerges as a way to cope with overwhelming emotions, stress, or internal distress. While it’s common to want to understand the “why,” we’ve found that what’s often more helpful is understanding the “function” of the eating disorder.

Many teens develop anorexia as a way to regulate their nervous systems. It gives them a false sense of control, numbs emotions, or provides structure during times when life feels chaotic or uncertain. To you, their stressors may look like typical teenage challenges—school pressure, friendships, body changes—but to them, it may feel unmanageable. Anorexia becomes their coping strategy.

The First Priority: Nutrition

It’s completely understandable to want your teen to be motivated to recover. That desire is beautiful—and sometimes, they do. But more often than not, especially early on, they don’t. That’s because the eating disorder is serving a function that feels protective, even comforting. This is why insight is often low, particularly in the early stages. Your teen likely does not recognize the danger they’re in.

But as a parent, you must.

Malnutrition affects every system in the body—heart, bones, hormones, digestive system, and most importantly, the brain. When the brain is undernourished, it struggles to think clearly, manage emotions, and perceive risk. That means your child may not recognize how sick they are—or even that they’re sick at all. In this light, food is not just fuel—it’s medicine. Without nutritional rehabilitation, anorexia becomes more dangerous and more entrenched. Left untreated, it can be fatal.

Supporting Your Teen: Think “Food First, Life Second”

Your role as a parent is critical—and powerful. You don’t have to wait until your teen agrees there’s a problem. In fact, waiting can lead to more severe illness. Instead, treat this the way you would treat any other safety concern. If your child was struggling to breathe, you wouldn’t wait until they acknowledged the problem—you’d act. Anorexia nervosa requires the same kind of decisive care.

So what does that look like?

Offer three meals and three snacks a day. These should be complete, nourishing meals designed to support weight restoration and healing—not what your teen requests or feels “safe” eating. (Remember, the eating disorder is often dictating their choices right now.)
Before starting nutrition rehabilitation process, first get a full medical workup from your teens doctor, as they may be at risk for refeeding syndrome, which can be life-threatening.
Sit with them while they eat. This isn’t just about supervision—it’s about support. Offer to distract them if they’d like—scroll through social media together, play a card game, or watch a show. Distraction can be a helpful tool.
Validate, validate, validate. Acknowledge how hard this is. Say things like, “I know this is scary,” or “I can see how uncomfortable this feels.” Your calm, steady presence will help more than you know.

You’ve probably already tried to help your child eat more and have been met with pushback. That’s normal. Remember, the eating disorder is helping them cope, and asking them to let go of it—especially before they’ve learned other ways to regulate—is asking a lot. But with nourishment, the brain begins to heal. With nourishment, new coping strategies become possible.

You’re Not Alone

Recovery from anorexia is hard—but it’s possible. And no one should do it alone. Reach out to treatment professionals who understand eating disorders, and look for support groups for families walking the same path. Family-Based Therapy (FBT) is designed to support you as you support your teen.

Above all, remember this: your love is not enough to cure anorexia, but it is the foundation on which recovery is built. You can be firm and compassionate. And set boundaries and offer comfort. You can lead your teen through something they don’t yet want to leave behind.

You’re not failing. You’re fighting for your child’s life. And that matters more than anything else.

This article is meant to be educational about anoerxia nervosa, but it does not suffice as treatment. If you think your teen has an eating disorder, please seek a medical evaluation from your teen’s doctor.

If you would like to connect about how I work with families, feel free to schedule a consultation here.